Trying to find my way back

CW: This post is about grief and loss, and trying to find my way back

This has been a hard hard week. And, honestly, I am not okay.

Wednesday I woke to the news that my work family had suffered an unimaginable loss. Seven people connected to the Faculty of Engineering, so many more from my university, my city, my country, this world. Gone. Literally overnight.

Thursday morning I woke to the news that a friend from choir, Peter Kent, had also died on Tuesday, of a heart attack. He was only 39.

I'm not even going to go into the fact that large swaths of this planet are literally and figuratively on fire. It just all feels so wrong.

My moments of defiance against all that is messed up in this world, my desire to keep fighting the good fight, are, at the moment, outweighed by feelings of sadness and futility and, perhaps worst of all, resignation.

My soul feels so tired right now.

So thank you for the reminders of our humanity, of friendship and caring, of the successes that do come as a result of all the attempts and the failures. The hugs and the messages of support and the good news stories have kept me afloat. Thank you.

Here is one more reminder, for myself, and maybe it can be for you as well. This is for Peter, the two of us sharing a stage with our choir, in my first concert in my first year as a member of Òran, just over six years ago. I'd only known him a few weeks and I already considered him a friend.

I miss you, Peter. And I'll be singing for you.