The Power of a Good Question

Back in June of 2019, I had the delight of several disparate conversations and moments that sparked some much needed contemplation. And I’ve been pondering a thought, an idea, a question ever since. Questions about that question. Wondering if it might prove to be a stealth epiphany that has embedded itself in my life, in my outlook on life, and I’m only realizing it now.

So my question, for your consideration, is this:

“Is this what I should be doing right now?”

I can ask the question of the next ten seconds, or in the context of my whole life. It applies to the mundane and the profound.

I call it a stealth epiphany because the question maybe doesn’t and hasn’t always come out in those exact words. Sometimes it has come disguised not even as a question. But I’m trying to decide if that might be the question that all my critical questions have come down to, the real question I’ve been asking all along in my life that has made all the difference, at least for me.

I should probably stop eating all these chips = “Is this what I should be doing right now?”

Should I quit this job or tough it out a little longer? = “Is this what I should be doing right now?”

Well what do I do for the next 20 minutes now that I missed my bus? = “Is this what I should be doing right now?”

Should I stay in this marriage? = “Is this what I should be doing right now?”

And I think the important thing about this question isn’t necessarily to get an answer, although sometimes that is helpful, and always telling if I do. The benefit is simply in the asking and in considering what the answer, or answers, could be. Considering how to even answer the question.

Asking it gives opportunity for a shy “no” to assert itself and let me course correct early. Hearing a resounding “YES!” gives clarity and calm.

And “I don’t know” is also a remarkably powerful answer. And sometimes changes everything.

But in the absence of a clear yes or no, the question invites other questions, important questions.

Perhaps it’s that starting with this question shapes the criteria by which I answer all those other questions. And introduces yet another set of questions, ones around how I determine what “should” means to me. It means that asking the question forces me to examine and re-examine my values, my priorities, my context. It forces me to consider my “why.”

So maybe the benefit isn’t just in the asking, and in considering what the answers could be. It’s also in asking why my answers are my answers. And whether they’re good answers, the right answers, for me, right then and in the future.

Which leads me to maybe the true epiphany: that asking the question means that suddenly nothing I do lacks intention. It is the cure to a zombie life, a life of defaults. The difference between being a passenger in my own life, or putting my hands on the wheel. Even if it’s to do nothing except keep going in the same direction and at the same speed for now.

I’m still working this through, a thought experiment made the richer by asking those around me if, how, and why they ask their version of this question.

But in the meantime, whatever it is you’re doing, is it what you should be doing right now?